Gloom
by chakramchaser
Summary: Callisto reflects on her life thus far... And Xena.


The fire was warm and comforting on the cold autumn night. Or, at least, it would have been for anyone who was capable of being comforted. For anyone but Callisto.

The woman sat with her knees up, curled into a ball. Her sword lay next to a sharpening stone at her side. She paid them no mind, her empty eyes fixed on the flames.

Slowly, a scene began to unfold before her. Houses and animal pens constructed themselves around the fire, tiny people appeared running every which way. And gradually, the mass of people became permeated by an alarmingly large number of uniformed soldiers. The soldiers held their weapons high and slashed them at anything in their path. In the middle of it all stood a small girl.

The girl's eyes were full of fear as she turned around in circles, searching. But the only thing she found was chaos.

Chaos… and Xena.

The magnificent woman stood before the girl, calling out orders to her army. Her face was twisted in a sick smile. The girl ran and cowered behind the ruins of a house, too scared to move. She waited until the army had left and the fires had burned themselves out. Only then did she leave her hiding place and walk the streets of what had been her village. Only then did she cry.

The rain washed the scene away as Callisto jumped up and collected her things. She dashed for cover underneath a tree. There, the woman pondered what she had just seen.

That night was the only thing that she remembered of her old life now. The destruction, the terror. She could barely recall a day when Xena had not been the object of her every thought. She only remembered the notion of having a family one moment, and having none the next.

This shred of a memory was what drove her. This shred of a memory was the root of all of her actions. Xena had torn Callisto's life to shreds, and she would be made to pay.

It was amusing in a way how Callisto almost admired the woman she was hunting. Xena had everything that Callisto wanted. She was powerful, strong, independent, and both respected and feared. Calliso had spent every moment of her time analyzing the details of Xena's every move- her fighting style, her facial expressions, her emotional displays. Callisto found new weaknesses every time.

Had Callisto paused to reflect on her life, she might have realized a metamorphosis in the way she thought about Xena. Had she been able to feel more than bits and pieces, she certainly would have realized it. After the night when her life was destroyed, Callisto hated Xena. As time wore on and as Xena became everything Callisto had, she loved to hate her. Finally, with all of her obsessions and attentions, Callisto came to love Xena.

She knew her intimately. She knew which buttons to push, she knew what would make her mad or happy, she anticipated Xena's actions correctly every time. Callisto had known Xena and Xena alone for most of her life- it was impossible not to be attached to the woman. If Xena were to die, Callisto would once again have nothing.

Something clicked inside Callisto as all of this was going through her subconscious mind. She didn't know what it was; she didn't even realize the thoughts had a place inside her. All she knew was the bit of emotion. The rare, fleeting bit.

The white-hot anger.

Callisto raised her sword and screamed. She swing with all her might at the tree she sat under, the blade vibrating as it made contact. The vibrations shook the momentary insanity out of Callisto as she curled up and let the rain cover her.

Had Callisto known the reason for the anger, she would have laughed at the irony of it all. The woman she had lost her life to had now become her life. And if she were to lose that woman, she would be left with nothing.

Had Callisto realized this, she would have understood why she had let Xena go all those times when she was within her grasp. With her sword at Xena's neck, she let her free time and time again.

Because she couldn't bear to lose her.

But Callisto didn't realize this. She only noticed the cool rain and the wind. She only noticed the gloom.


End file.
